A Truth I Couldn't Speak

A Truth I Couldn't Speak

I believe in you. I believe in your story. I believe in your dreams. I listen to your whispers. They scream revolution.

I know you're tired. I know it's been a tough day, a rough week, a hard year...but, you're here. 

And you're alive.

The truth is: this world will give you pain that brings you to your knees.

Don't give up. 

It will be worth the journey.

Quotes to inspire:

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." You must do the thing you think you cannot do."

Eleanor Roosevelt

"When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.”  

Franklin D. Roosevelt

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”  

Ralph Waldo Emerson

"We never know how high we are
Till we are called to rise;
And then, if we are true to plan,
Our statures touch the skies."  

Emily Dickinson, American poet  

Love yourself today and know that whatever you're facing will be worth it in the end. 

XOXO

Girl Warrior  

 

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall: Reclaiming Yourself After Shit Happens

We talked about "easy" last week. Easy is what a lot of us default to when problems arise. Easy fools us into thinking that numbing our difficult emotions will solve our problems. Are you in pain? Easy wants you to shut up and just be ok. Our society tells us there are quick fixes for everything. Everything has to be a transformation in a day.

At Girl Warrior, we don't believe in easy.  We believe in full appreciation of your emotions, because it's important to honor them. Easy says numb your feelings. Girl Warrior says bullshit! Easy says get over it in a day. Girl Warrior says take all the time you need.

Let's be honest: life is hard. And you know what? There is simply no room for easy advice, because easy is not honest. 

BUT, there is room for mistakes, victories, and all the awesomeness that comes with embracing difficulties as beautiful realities.

Embrace all your feelings. 

Reclaiming Yourself After Shit Happens
What is reclaiming the self?
It's taking care of yourself. Discovering new things, expanding horizons, and working on yourself. Think about the struggle of Elle Woods in Legally Blonde or Frodo's journey through The Lord of the Rings. Reclaiming yourself is the coolest type of transformation. It can happen quickly, but most often it happens slowly. Perhaps more slowly than many of us would like.

Reclaiming yourself isn't about waking up the next day as a completely different person. It's asking yourself, "What's holding me back from being the person I want to be?" And answering that question with honesty. Reclaiming isn't easy. It's embracing the negative, positive, and everything in between.

Interestingly, many of us are presented with the opportunity of reclaiming after serious SHIT goes down. A relative passing away, a relationship ending, flunking out of college...while this list seems largely negative, I'm here with good news.

When shit happens: TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT, BABES.

For me, it was recently ending a relationship. I was in a lot of pain. At first, the natural instinct to numb this pain came up. For me, the numbing reaction causes me to isolate myself from friends and family. HELLO EASY WAY OUT, NO THANK YOU. AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT.

I literally sat down with my planner and penciled in a fun activity with a friend or family member for the entire week. I worked on Girl Warrior projects and had fun dates every single day. It allowed me to talk about the pain I was going through. Literally, every time I would feel pain, I would say out loud, "Hey. I'm in pain!" and chant "pain" over and over. (Admittedly, I probably scared some coffee shop goers and my cats seem rather concerned.)

But, guess what? Pain and I were practically besties by the end of the week. And do you know what happens when you honor all your emotions and yourself? Happiness comes to visit.  And eventually, impressed by how well you treated Pain, Happiness comes to stay.

I took this painful opportunity to reclaim myself. Through embracing pain, I pushed myself to do new things and rediscover old pastimes. I bought a ukulele, read over 7 books, and journaled my heart out with a vast array of Hello Kitty stickers the world has never seen. Through this process came the revelation: I love myself. Truly! Honestly! No fooling!

And now that I love myself, I want to help YOU love yourself. YOU'RE SO AWESOME! I'm sweating a little actually, because you're too hot! ;)

So, how can you go about reclaiming yourself?
Supplies for the mirror exercise:
-expo marker or lipstick
-mirror (preferably the one you use everyday)

I want you to get in front of a mirror and observe yourself. Don't analyze. Just observe. Pay attention to how much space you take up and how your body feels just standing. If you have judgmental thoughts, acknowledge them and let them go.

Now, for many girls, the struggle starts with the mirror. The mirror has become the birthplace of judgement. It seems to be whispering, "Not good enough." It has a slew of insults about what you perceive to be your flaws. For many of us: the mirror is a monster.

I want you to pretend now that your mirror is a person. And no, I'm not kidding. Are you imagining it yet? Excellent! Now, I want you to pretend this new person is talking to you. AND THEY LOVE YOU. Like, seriously. They are INTO you. And they are a little pissed, because for YEARS you've been putting some negative words in their mouth. But, they forgive you, because they are mega in love with you.

What are they saying to you?

Take your expo marker or lipstick and write down all the positive things they are saying to you. This may require some imagination. This may (read: probably) feel very silly, but what have you go to lose?

For me, the mirror person was saying: COURTNEY, YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH!

And I was like: FUCK YEAH, MIRROR! YOU ARE RIGHT.

Now, finish writing down all the positive messages they are saying. Thank your mirror for the kind words! Read EVERY line out loud. (Hint: you may want to do this when you're alone. Or not.)

After you've read every message out loud, start rewriting the phrases. Change the you to I. For example: You are so beautiful! becomes I am so beautiful!

Once you've done this, read these new phrases out loud. Leave the messages on the mirror all week to remind yourself of these TRUE statements.

Why? Because science has taught me two things about human beings:
1. We are lazy.
2. We forget things very easily.

"The less energy it takes to kick-start a positive habit, the more likely it will stick." - Shawn Achor, author of "The Happiness Advantage"

Shawn's statement hits home, because it's true. The less energy we have to expend on positive habits, the more likely we are to actually keep those habits. This is SO true for speaking kindly to yourself.

Try doing this once a week. Or when you take a shower, pencil in something on the steamed up mirror!

Have a beautiful Thursday, BABES!

XOXO
Girl Warrior

I've Got SHAME

Let's Talk About Shame, BABES.

Shame
noun
1. the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another: She was overcome with shame.
(Source: Dictionary.com)

According to shame researcher, Brené Brown, “Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.” 

Shame is the feeling of being inherently flawed. It's going to bed at night and saying, "I'm not worth it." Not surprisingly, it's a devastating emotion that can lead to self-hatred and low self-worth.

Where does shame come from? 
It arises from a variety of sources: our family, friends, and even culture.

When you come home with a proud B+ and your parents say, "You can do better."

It's sitting down with a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner and asking for support when you need it most and getting the response: "We should see other people."

Your boss ridiculing you after a particularly bad day at work and none of your coworkers having your back.

It's your parents divorcing and you looking in the mirror, asking very quietly, "Was it my fault?"
Shame is rejection, abandonment, humiliation, and more.

And we cling onto shame because it's comfortable. We're used to shame. Shame tells us that we're not good enough and we enthusiastically agree.

Shame hurts, but we are used to that hurt. We cultivate that pain into suffering. Holding onto shame is easy, because we don't have to deal with the uncomfortable feeling of challenging shame.

Like Dr. Brown states in her quote: shame CORRODES us. It holds us back, because we believe shame. 

How do we let go of shame?

Let go of shame-based thinking. Honor your emotions, but pay attention to how you talk to yourself. There is difference between constructive criticism and tearing yourself apart.

I'm currently practicing letting go of my shame-based thinking. When it arises, I listen to the shame politely, but I try not to let it affect me. It helps me to write out my thoughts and then underline the irrational or negative parts doing more harm than good.

Identifying shame-based thoughts is the first step into stopping them. Then, you need to cultivate shame resilience by challenging those thoughts.

You're going to need a lot of patience. You're going to need a lot of self-love, which will be hard to cultivate at first because shame is good at telling us we don't deserve love.

You deserve love.

Repeat that often to yourself. Write yourself a sticky note and put it where you can see it everyday. Whisper it to yourself morning and night. 

It's not going to be easy, but is anything in life worth having when it's easy? My greatest friendships and relationships have been HARD and filled with challenges to overcome, but I would never take any of those experiences back.

Recommend further reading:

"Daring Greatly" by Brené Brown

Overcoming Shame-based Thinking

Recovering From Shame

The Power of Shame

XOXO

Girl Warrior

 

Get Stuff Done: Tapping into the Power of the Bitchface

Bitches Get Stuff Done!	UCBcomedy.com
Watch more comedy videos from the twisted minds of the UCB Theatre at UCBcomedy.com

Get Stuff Done: Tapping into the Power of the Bitchface

"Bitches get stuff done!" Tina Fey said in a famous SNL sketch, during Hilary Clinton's campaign for presidency in 2008. BITCH IS THE NEW BLACK.

Some people don't like the term bitch. I'm all about full disclosure, so here is my opinion: Every unique individual gets to decide what words they like or dislike. Some girls don't love the word bitch. I happen to adore it. If you disagree, please know that I respect you and your opinion.

I love the word BITCH, which brings me to my topic: the bitchface.

My bitchface. WORKIN' IT.

There is great tutorial from Rookie (a badass website for teenage girls) about how to bitchface HERE!

To me, the bitchface is my serious face. It's a face that says: I've got to get shit done. Pardon me, while I kick your ass, life. Move aside, homies, this bitch is coming through.

There is power in the bitchface. 

Situations in which I use the bitchface:
-project grind time/procrastination peak
-dealing with assholes
-working out
-cutting out negative people in my life
-when I listen to Beyonce
-after destroying a test I studied for

Something interesting about our body language is that our nonverbal cues can dictate what people think of us, but research is also proving it can determine how we think of ourselves. That's to say, I put on my bitchface for me. It helps my brain know that I mean SERIOUS business and SHIT IS GETTING DONE.

How to Use the Bitchface for Productivity:
1. Get to feeling good.
I put on makeup (signature: heavy cat eyeliner) for myself. It makes me feel like Cleopatra, like I'm about to seriously change the political spheres of the ancient world when in reality I'm just cleaning my bathroom.

2. Get that face going.
I can FEEL the bitchface when I've got it going on. It takes one listen of "How to be a Heartbreaker" by Marina and the Diamons and OH BABY, move out of the way.

3. Get to your stuff.
 Start your work. Whether it's a project, cleaning your room, or powering through a homework assignment: DO IT. You will never get stuff done without starting.

4. Plan appropriate breaks.
Bitchfacing can be taxing on your energy levels. Enhance your productivity by taking breaks every half-hour. I break to blog, stalk Facebook, or refill my coffee while talking to my cats. (FYI: if you need help with the bitchface, talk to a cat. They are the BEST at it.)

5. Celebrate when you're done.
Dance around, call a friend to chat, or eat a yummy treat.

And that my friends is how to bitchface your way to efficient productivity.

XOXO
Girl Warrior

5 Ways to be Ridiculously Happy When Shit Happens

5 Ways to be RIDICULOUSLY Happy When Shit Happens!

While I edit photos and do homework, I've been listening to to a badass audiobook entitled, The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor. If you've never heard of him or you're interested in positive psychology, then please check out his TED talk: HERE!

I love positive psychology. Summed up by Martin Seligman and Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi: "We believe that a psychology of positive human functioning will arise, which achieves a scientific understanding and effective interventions to build thriving individuals, families, and communities." (source: Wikipedia)

In his book, Achor covers many different ways to improve your life through positive psychology. I love him for his honesty, because he's very real about the reality of failure and how opportunity can be found in our failures. While the book is concentrated mainly on how positive psychology relates to work, it's very easy to apply it to all aspects of life.

While listening, I was inspired to write this post on happiness.

What is happiness? 
Happiness seems to be the goal of all human beings. Happy is a documentary currently on Netflix and a great watch. In the beginning of the documentary, they interview a variety of different people and ask them what they want in life. Generally, the responses are to be happy!

In a recent post, I talked about the idea of easy. We are quite often given easy advice. Love yourself, someone says. Don't worry, be happy.

OK, but how exactly does one do that? I was always curious that while adults seemingly offered me "good" advice while I was growing up, they rarely gave me the resources to follow through. Part of that may just be that people have to figure it out for themselves, but those same adults also told me sharing is caring.

The Five Ways
1. Write down three things that make you happy everyday. 
I'm absolutely stealing this from Shawn Achor, although I used to do some form of this before I heard of him. Write down three things that make you happy, but they have to be different each day.

Here's my list today (which I've extended to five):
1. I am thankful for my parents. I just moved back home with them and it feels warm, cuddly, and safe!
2. I got donuts this morning from my favorite place and they gave me donut holes for free. AND they complimented my hair. I wished them all a great day and promptly inhaled those donuts.
3. My mom has this bomb ass coffee machine, so it tastes just like Starbucks without my wallet crying.
4. I get to meet up with a friend today at the bookstore.
5. Speaking of a friend! A friend and I have been talking over the last few days about going through some personal issues. I was thinking about her this morning and wishing her well when she texted me to say that she was thinking about me. It was such a positive boost!

2. Surround yourself with positive people and things.
My lovely friend Patrick, who is a very talented Ceramics major, had a bunch of pieces that he didn't want anymore. Luckily, he was sweet enough to give one to me. I've turned it into a positivity jar. I write down encouraging messages and reminders for myself. Any time that I feel down, I reach into the jar and I'm instantly revived.

Sailor Moon is full of wisdom.

3. Revive something from your childhood that makes you smile.
I still watch and read Sailor Moon. She was one of my idols growing up. I still have the theme song on my phone, which I listen to whenever I need a boost. When I was growing up, I loved the idea of being able to transform into a super hero. I used to be mortified that anyone would catch me still watching it, but now I've realized they still probably watch their own favorite cartoons.

4. Write yourself a simple to-do list.
As a recovering perfectionist, my hardest struggle is to let go of the desire to do it all. Simply, you can't do it all. It's just not humanly possible and yet, for years I let that make me unhappy. Now, I like to decorate my to-do lists with simple and fun reminders that keep me upbeat throughout the day. I feel accomplished and quite often, I'm much more productive with my work with these new to-do lists.


5. Do a random act of kindness.
I love doing acts of kindness. They make me feel as cuddly as a teddy bear, homies. The thing about random acts of kindness though is that they must be intentional. Even if it's just sending a text to a friend who you know is going through a tough time, send it with all the intention of pure love. The point is not to get a pat on the back from your friends, saying, "Wow, you're so kind!" Rather, focus on extending love as you would hope to receive it. By appreciating other people, we work to build a better community.

Those, my BABES, are five simple ways to be ridiculously happy when shit happens!

XOXO
Girl Warrior

P.S. Please consider donating to our fundraiser for Girl Warrior: The Magazine.

I believe in GIRL POWER.

Please consider donating to our fundraiser for Girl Warrior: The Magazine.
 

I believe in GIRL POWER.

I really, really do. If you've been following the blog or our Facebook page, you might have heard about our Girl Warrior: The Magazine fundraiser going on. What does that have to do with girl power? A whole lot, actually.

In the past, when I've had the chance to donate money, I've always been good about researching the charity or fundraiser I'm donating to. Good intentions and good Google searches combined together makes for a happy combo.You don't want your kind contribution going into a mystery person's pocket! 

Let me assure you that all funds will be going to Girl Warrior (besides the service fee of the website) and that we are SUPER grateful for them. Your money will help fund a positive initiative for girls, which will be the first of many steps towards working for a brighter future for girls everywhere.

Because here at Girl Warrior, we firmly believe in GIRL POWER and its amazing potential to help the world. What is it? It's a term of empowerment. It's the self-reliant attitude of girls everywhere as they rise up to work towards equality. And we happen to think the power of girls is absolutely kickass.

So far, we have raised $107 for our current fundraiser! WOWZA. We are overjoyed that you believe in Girl Warrior and our cause. Thank you for your kind hearts and thoughtful contributions. 

Our goal by the end of the month is to raise $500 to go towards the first issue of Girl Warrior: The Magazine. The fundraiser will go towards initial publishing costs, so that we can sell the magazine for around $3 and also offer an online version for a similar price. We are already one-fifth of the way there! 

If you can donate a dollar, it helps. If you aren't in the financial position to donate, then please consider submitting your own body-image story, article, or other fantastic literary/artistic piece for consideration into the first issue. If you can do both, huzzah! But, we aren't here to pressure you. We want to better our community. 

This magazine is for YOU. It's for your best friend and your sister and your mother! You are a complete and total BABE and we want to show you that. Please help us in our pursuit to make the world a better place. Girl issues are human issues. 

May your day be filled with positivity.

XOXO

Girl Warrior

Girl Warrior Spotlight: Ashley

Girl Warrior Spotlight: Ashley

I'm proud to announce a new series of Girl Warrior media: Spotlights! Each week, we will feature a different girl in the Girl Warrior community. They will feature a mini-interview with each girl, who is teeming with so much awesomeness that we just have to brag about her.

Ashley came as a natural choice for the first in this series. I met Ashley through an old boyfriend and while that relationship didn't last, I luckily kept in touch with this beautiful girl throughout the years. I remember being 16 and absolutely struck with her beauty and artistic spirit, which spoke volumes about the amazing girl she was and continues to be. 

'Passing time seems to make Ashley even more amazing,' I thought when she walked in. She was sporting a bow-tie (which she knitted!) and suggested sitting outside in the lovely weather. Ashley has honored me with an interview and her own body-image story about recovering from an eating disorder.

Following her interview and story, please check out the collaboration that Ashley is doing with Girl Warrior, which we are SO excited about. She is a treasure!

Q. Tell us a little bit about yourself! Where are you from? What do you do?

Ashley: I was born in Walnut Creek, CA and was raised partly in Turlock, CA and partly in New Roads, LA. While I do love Louisiana and Cajun culture, I'm definitely a true Californian at heart. I'm a sucker for all things science fiction, garage sales, vintage finds, and everything creative. I recently learned how to knit, but I also love sewing, drawing, painting, reading, writing, and spending time with my amazing husband, and playing with the most adorable dog and bunny in the world! Fun fact: I collect coffee cups and buttons.

Q. What inspires you?

Ashley: Good music. Right now, I'm really into Mumford & Sons and Of Monsters and Men. I know it's cliché, but being in nature always inspires me. I always find something new, amazing, and awe-inspiring. My husband, Ethan, is also such an inspiration.

Q. Where do you hope to see yourself in the future--whether that's tomorrow or 10 years from now?
Ashley: I hope to have little kiddos running around, possibly living somewhere amazing like San Francisco or Portalnd. Hopefully, the company Ethan and I are working on (Knella Design) will be successful. I hope to be fully recovered from my eating disorder and help others struggling with eating disorders any way I can.

Q. What makes you feel beautiful?
Ashley: This was by far the hardest question to answer, and I was sure I didn't have a response. I've spent most of my life feeling ugly inside and out, and self-acceptance is still a foreign concept to me. Over the last few months I've learned that I feel beautiful when I give myself the emotional and physical nourishment I need.

Q. How do you cultivate happiness?
Ashley: It's not always easy, but I try to stay in the present moment. When I focus on what's happening right now rather than dwelling on the past or future tripping I experience true peace. I also acknowledge and accept all my emotions, both pleasant and unpleasant, without judgement, and I surround myself with loving, supportive friends and family. I'm also learning to be self-considerate---taking care of myself first, doing things I enjoy, and respecting my pace in recovery.

Q. What's your favorite quote?
Ashley: "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well." - Dame Julian of Norwich. This quote has gotten me through some tough times, and helps me remember that things will work out.

And now, Ashley has written out her own story for you to read.

"Firstly, you should be warned that my story is not pretty. It’s full of pain, ugliness, and suffering. It’s not uplifting and might very well make you sad. With that said, read at your own discretion.
 

I was born in Walnut Creek, California to a loving mother and father. They showered me with love and “oohed” and “aahed” at my cuteness—or so they say. At the tender age of 2, my parents and I moved to my father’s hometown, Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Two years later, my sister was born and two years after that, my brother was born. We were a happy family of five with everything we needed, and some would tell me that my troubles were unwarranted because of what they thought they knew.

The first time I remember being self-conscious of my inner and outer beauty I was about 4 years old. I felt clumsy, flawed, and fat compared to my dance and gymnastics mates. I didn’t recognize it until recently, but this marked the beginning of an internal battle with very powerful, manipulative, and tormenting voices—my eating disorder voice, critical voice, and perfectionist voice. I began pushing all my emotions down, never allowing myself to feel anything unpleasant. I strived to be the perfect daughter, sister, student, and friend. Throughout elementary, middle, and high school I compared myself to everyone never feeling satisfied with how I looked or who I was. In fact, I’m only now starting to get to know myself. I always felt inadequate, both in school and at home. I set unobtainable goals and standards for myself and only felt guilt, shame, and frustration when they weren’t met. As for body image, I can honestly say that there have been only a few days since I was 4 years old when I was satisfied with the way I looked. The issues I have with my body stem from the belief that being thin and beautiful means being loved, worthy, and adequate. I’ve fed into every piece of bullshit our society gives us, and I looked to others to tell me how I should look, think, and act.

When I was 9 years old, we moved to New Roads, Louisiana, a small town filled with cliques, rumors, and nosy neighbors. I had escaped a sexually abusive friendship and began acting out through food, and this is when my issues with food really began. I became a secret eater, sneaking treats when I wasn’t hungry to fill the emotional ache and emptiness that plagued me. When I was 13, my parents divorced and I thought my world was over. My alcoholic father and protective mother had been on the rocks for a couple years and the unthinkable had finally happened. I pushed everyone out, ignored my emotions completely (even the pleasant ones), and started dieting thinking that being thin meant being loved. Maybe, if I were beautiful my father would stop drinking and come home. I put all my energies into losing weight, deluding myself into believing that all my problems would go away if I were just thin. By the time I was 15 years old, I had fully developed anorexia and a year later I added bulimia into the mix. I was irrevocably numb and empty, truly believing that no one would notice or care if I vaporized into thin air. I felt permanently unnoticed, unloved, and destined for failure. I felt worthless and undeserving of love, happiness, and health. In a world filled with uncertainties I turned to my eating disorder for order, control, and consistency. I obsessed about calories and weight, and controlled what went in and out of my body. It was my way of coping with the challenges life threw my way, but it came with a very high, unexpected price.

In December 2012, I hit an all time low with my eating disorder and finally had enough. The very thing that served as a shield of protection from the outside world ended up causing unforeseen damage. I felt excruciatingly worthless, empty, and alone. I was mentally and physically exhausted, and knew I needed to do something fast. I checked myself into a residential treatment center in California at the beginning of January 2013. It was the hardest, but best decision I ever made. I spent three intense months in treatment learning countless things about my disorder and myself. I’m nowhere near recovered, in fact, I have to make a conscious effort every second of every day to walk down the healthy path and not run down the unhealthy one. I’m still getting used to my new, healthy body since treatment and am a long way away from owning it, but I’m redefining the meaning of beauty. Now, beautiful means being proud and secure with every part of you, even the “flaws”. It means being compassionate, self-considerate, and loving. It means finding your own happiness and not being sorry for who you are. We’re all so unique and beautiful in our own ways, so why do we all expect and want to fit the impossible, unrealistic, and boring ideals of society?

My journey through treatment was the most intense, challenging, overwhelming, life changing, and incomparable experience I’ve ever faced. The girl that was once filled with misery, loneliness, and self-hatred is now brimming with hope, happiness, and self-compassion. I’m finding my happiness and am slowly starting to feel more deserving of love, joy, and health. It’s a painfully slow process, but I’m getting there. One day I hope to be able to fully own and be entirely proud of who I am, and to look back on this chapter of my life and know that I won’t have to suffer that pain ever again. I’m so proud of myself for having the strength, bravery, and courage to embark this crazy journey and excited to see what happens next."

We are honored to have Ashley's story featured and even more excited about the new collaboration that she is starting with us, a support group for girls called The Battle Front!

What is The Battle Front?
A safe, non-judgmental place to face your inner struggles with the support of your fellow Girl Warriors.

Mission Statement: A safe, non-judgmental support group where we can share our struggles with body image, self-acceptance, food, sexual abuse, or any other challenges life throws our way.

The first Battle Front meeting will be on Monday, April 15th in the Ouachita Room (302B) in the LSU Student Union. Please be advised that this group is being run by individuals with good intentions, but that we are not mental health professionals.

We hope to see you there.

XOXO
Girl Warrior

Today, I realized that I loved myself. Now, let me love you.

Today, I realized that I loved myself. Now, let me love you.

My teddy bear and I in our own band: Brandabear.

"Love yourself. Know your own beauty. Be confident in who you are."

How many times has someone casually thrown that type of advice to you? As if it was a simple notion, this "loving youself" business. Through my own body image struggles, I was quite often given this advice and more often frustrated by it. It's like giving someone nothing but a canoe, dropping them in a mega-fast river and saying, "Paddle against the current, duh."

GIANT NEWSFLASH: Life is not so easy, so why are we giving easy advice?

Because easy advice doesn't require connecting with another person. Easy doesn't require vulnerability. Easy doesn't give you a hug when you need it most. Easy is hiding in your room and underneath the covers. 

“Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty… I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well.”

Theodore Roosevelt

I used to lament that loving myself didn't come easily, but now I realize that it was worth the hard work. Today, I realized that I loved myself. 

But, before today comes many painful yesterdays.

To be quite frank, my body image problems are a result of sexual abuse, a broken society, and an attempt to reclaim the control in my life by turning all my hatred on myself.

I was sexually abused when I was much younger when I still lived with my biological father, who was not careful enough with the people he left me with. 1 in 4 girls have been sexually abused by the age of 18 (source: here) and this is a very sad statistic. I used to be afraid to speak out about my experiences, but I've begun to realize that sharing my story has helped me to heal.

What do you do when this happens? You keep it to yourself. And I did that until I was about 16, which is the first time I told someone that it had happened. By then, I had already become increasingly aware that society was telling me that my social worth was defined by my appearance. What was a girl to do? I spent hours refusing to look at my legs, because I was disgusted by them. I wore jeans during the summertime, because I couldn't bare to be seen in shorts. The times that I did, I was constantly berating myself with hateful messages. I also felt dirty and ashamed, feelings that many survivors hang on to.

I didn't feel like I was worth anything. I had a great family. I had great grades. I had a sparkling (outward) personality and lots of amazing friends, but I was broken on the inside. I didn't feel like I was worthy of love. It was easy to turn hatred inward, because I didn't feel like I deserved anything else. It was a destructive attempt to control my life.

Society had told me I wasn't good enough. My past taught me I wasn't pure enough. Nothing seemed to be able to erase the suffering that I clung onto. How could I ever love myself?

The same people who were giving me the "easy" advice were also the ones pushing me back every step of the way. I remember being in 9th grade when our health teacher wanted to do an activity. She told us to pick an adjective to describes ourselves and go around the room. I was so excited, because I knew exactly what adjective I wanted to say!

"Quirky!" I exclaimed proudly.

She told me to pick another adjective because that wasn't good enough. What do you mean it wasn't good enough? I picked it! I'm QUIRKY, lady.

Society teaches us that we are seemingly not in charge of our own identities. You can be a lot of different things, but never yourself.

Well, I'm calling BULLSHIT on all of that. I am myself and I'm not sorry, not one bit. I do what I do because I like it.

It has taken me 20 years to do it, but today, I realized that I loved myself.

This journey has been hard. I've cried many tears and felt so much pain, but the beautiful thing about all those emotions is they've made the joy I now feel so worth it.

Now, let me love you!

My new inspiration board!  

I spent the night doing something crafty. Say hello to my new inspiration board! I have a flower posted underneath the Photo Shoots section for every girl I've done a shoot with, so far. The Love Letters section is full of the letters that Girl Warriors have written me at meetings.

To be quite honest, I love all of you. Yes, really. I see the hurt in your eyes and I've known it all my life. We are going to work on loving ourselves together. Girl Warrior is a community.

It is my goal to reach out to every girl and let her know that she is beautiful. Babes, it is hard BUT it is worth it. You are worth it.

I want to help you.

Let me love you.

XOXO
Girl Warrior
P.S. Please consider donating financially or with your own story to Girl Warrior: The Magazine! Read all about it HERE.