I've Got SHAME

Let's Talk About Shame, BABES.

Shame
noun
1. the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another: She was overcome with shame.
(Source: Dictionary.com)

According to shame researcher, Brené Brown, “Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.” 

Shame is the feeling of being inherently flawed. It's going to bed at night and saying, "I'm not worth it." Not surprisingly, it's a devastating emotion that can lead to self-hatred and low self-worth.

Where does shame come from? 
It arises from a variety of sources: our family, friends, and even culture.

When you come home with a proud B+ and your parents say, "You can do better."

It's sitting down with a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner and asking for support when you need it most and getting the response: "We should see other people."

Your boss ridiculing you after a particularly bad day at work and none of your coworkers having your back.

It's your parents divorcing and you looking in the mirror, asking very quietly, "Was it my fault?"
Shame is rejection, abandonment, humiliation, and more.

And we cling onto shame because it's comfortable. We're used to shame. Shame tells us that we're not good enough and we enthusiastically agree.

Shame hurts, but we are used to that hurt. We cultivate that pain into suffering. Holding onto shame is easy, because we don't have to deal with the uncomfortable feeling of challenging shame.

Like Dr. Brown states in her quote: shame CORRODES us. It holds us back, because we believe shame. 

How do we let go of shame?

Let go of shame-based thinking. Honor your emotions, but pay attention to how you talk to yourself. There is difference between constructive criticism and tearing yourself apart.

I'm currently practicing letting go of my shame-based thinking. When it arises, I listen to the shame politely, but I try not to let it affect me. It helps me to write out my thoughts and then underline the irrational or negative parts doing more harm than good.

Identifying shame-based thoughts is the first step into stopping them. Then, you need to cultivate shame resilience by challenging those thoughts.

You're going to need a lot of patience. You're going to need a lot of self-love, which will be hard to cultivate at first because shame is good at telling us we don't deserve love.

You deserve love.

Repeat that often to yourself. Write yourself a sticky note and put it where you can see it everyday. Whisper it to yourself morning and night. 

It's not going to be easy, but is anything in life worth having when it's easy? My greatest friendships and relationships have been HARD and filled with challenges to overcome, but I would never take any of those experiences back.

Recommend further reading:

"Daring Greatly" by Brené Brown

Overcoming Shame-based Thinking

Recovering From Shame

The Power of Shame

XOXO

Girl Warrior