We talked about "easy" last week. Easy is what a lot of us default to when problems arise. Easy fools us into thinking that numbing our difficult emotions will solve our problems. Are you in pain? Easy wants you to shut up and just be ok. Our society tells us there are quick fixes for everything. Everything has to be a transformation in a day.
At Girl Warrior, we don't believe in easy. We believe in full appreciation of your emotions, because it's important to honor them. Easy says numb your feelings. Girl Warrior says bullshit! Easy says get over it in a day. Girl Warrior says take all the time you need.
Let's be honest: life is hard. And you know what? There is simply no room for easy advice, because easy is not honest.
BUT, there is room for mistakes, victories, and all the awesomeness that comes with embracing difficulties as beautiful realities.
Reclaiming Yourself After Shit Happens
What is reclaiming the self?
It's taking care of yourself. Discovering new things, expanding horizons, and working on yourself. Think about the struggle of Elle Woods in Legally Blonde or Frodo's journey through The Lord of the Rings. Reclaiming yourself is the coolest type of transformation. It can happen quickly, but most often it happens slowly. Perhaps more slowly than many of us would like.
Reclaiming yourself isn't about waking up the next day as a completely different person. It's asking yourself, "What's holding me back from being the person I want to be?" And answering that question with honesty. Reclaiming isn't easy. It's embracing the negative, positive, and everything in between.
Interestingly, many of us are presented with the opportunity of reclaiming after serious SHIT goes down. A relative passing away, a relationship ending, flunking out of college...while this list seems largely negative, I'm here with good news.
When shit happens: TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT, BABES.
For me, it was recently ending a relationship. I was in a lot of pain. At first, the natural instinct to numb this pain came up. For me, the numbing reaction causes me to isolate myself from friends and family. HELLO EASY WAY OUT, NO THANK YOU. AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT.
I literally sat down with my planner and penciled in a fun activity with a friend or family member for the entire week. I worked on Girl Warrior projects and had fun dates every single day. It allowed me to talk about the pain I was going through. Literally, every time I would feel pain, I would say out loud, "Hey. I'm in pain!" and chant "pain" over and over. (Admittedly, I probably scared some coffee shop goers and my cats seem rather concerned.)
But, guess what? Pain and I were practically besties by the end of the week. And do you know what happens when you honor all your emotions and yourself? Happiness comes to visit. And eventually, impressed by how well you treated Pain, Happiness comes to stay.
I took this painful opportunity to reclaim myself. Through embracing pain, I pushed myself to do new things and rediscover old pastimes. I bought a ukulele, read over 7 books, and journaled my heart out with a vast array of Hello Kitty stickers the world has never seen. Through this process came the revelation: I love myself. Truly! Honestly! No fooling!
And now that I love myself, I want to help YOU love yourself. YOU'RE SO AWESOME! I'm sweating a little actually, because you're too hot! ;)
So, how can you go about reclaiming yourself?
Supplies for the mirror exercise:
-expo marker or lipstick
-mirror (preferably the one you use everyday)
I want you to get in front of a mirror and observe yourself. Don't analyze. Just observe. Pay attention to how much space you take up and how your body feels just standing. If you have judgmental thoughts, acknowledge them and let them go.
Now, for many girls, the struggle starts with the mirror. The mirror has become the birthplace of judgement. It seems to be whispering, "Not good enough." It has a slew of insults about what you perceive to be your flaws. For many of us: the mirror is a monster.
I want you to pretend now that your mirror is a person. And no, I'm not kidding. Are you imagining it yet? Excellent! Now, I want you to pretend this new person is talking to you. AND THEY LOVE YOU. Like, seriously. They are INTO you. And they are a little pissed, because for YEARS you've been putting some negative words in their mouth. But, they forgive you, because they are mega in love with you.
What are they saying to you?
Take your expo marker or lipstick and write down all the positive things they are saying to you. This may require some imagination. This may (read: probably) feel very silly, but what have you go to lose?
For me, the mirror person was saying: COURTNEY, YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH!
And I was like: FUCK YEAH, MIRROR! YOU ARE RIGHT.
Now, finish writing down all the positive messages they are saying. Thank your mirror for the kind words! Read EVERY line out loud. (Hint: you may want to do this when you're alone. Or not.)
After you've read every message out loud, start rewriting the phrases. Change the you to I. For example: You are so beautiful! becomes I am so beautiful!
Once you've done this, read these new phrases out loud. Leave the messages on the mirror all week to remind yourself of these TRUE statements.
Why? Because science has taught me two things about human beings:
1. We are lazy.
2. We forget things very easily.
"The less energy it takes to kick-start a positive habit, the more likely it will stick." - Shawn Achor, author of "The Happiness Advantage"
Shawn's statement hits home, because it's true. The less energy we have to expend on positive habits, the more likely we are to actually keep those habits. This is SO true for speaking kindly to yourself.
Try doing this once a week. Or when you take a shower, pencil in something on the steamed up mirror!
Have a beautiful Thursday, BABES!
XOXO
Girl Warrior
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